Psychedelic Pad Paella

This recipe in no way whatsoever resembles how I make paella. I highly doubt anyone actually would make it this way. First, the rice. Traditionally, Paella calls for Valencia or Arborio rice, but Alice insists that I used converted rice, which goes against the grain so to speak. Then, she wants me to put pork chops in. Yes, pork chops, not andouille sausage the way I do it, but pork chops. Oh, and artichoke hearts, which I have never heard of in paella. The rest of the ingredients are fairly standard: chicken, shrimp, peppers, peas, saffron, chicken broth. Her method of cooking it varies as well. I use a paella (which is Spanish for "pan." I used to call it my paella pan, but then realized I was saying pan pan and had to stop because that sounds like I am ordering cheap pizza). Anyway, she wanted me to throw it all into a dutch oven and let it simmer until the liquid was absorbed. It was better than I expected, but that's not always saying much when it comes to Alice.

Episode Note: "Our Son the Man" Starting high school has given Greg the 'treat me like a man, I need my own room' blues when an older girl at school dismisses him for being a square. Wait just a minute you say, he gets the attic room, but no I say, this is two seasons earlier and the attic is described as being three feet tall. (I am beginning to suspect that no one was in charge of continuity on the set). Anyway, after much discussion Mike gives up his den and Greg turns it into a hippie pad, complete with black light and beaded curtains, oh and rock music, the only thing missing is LSD. He also gives himself a makeover (think "New Greg Brady") and dons groovy threads (think fringe vest, head band, bell bottoms and reflector sunglasses). Sadly, all of his efforts to grow up and get hip don't succeed in getting the older girl to notice. He even opts out of the family camping trip so he can stay home and hang with his new homies who don't actually exist. In the end he chucks his new image and returns to the family fold. But wait you say, we saw that before too with "Johnny Bravo." Yes, I say, but that is two seasons away as well. I feel like I'm tripping just trying to keep it all straight.