Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

This is my 123rd post and my last for "Cooking with Alice." I have prepared 102 recipes (which is more than the authors can say) and blogged for each of 117 episodes of the series. Back in June, when I started this, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Which is a good thing, because if I had been in my right mind I never would have done it. I want to thank all of  you who encouraged and laughed and cried along side of me through this process. At the onset, it didn't seem that life could move forward, but of course it has. There have been highs and lows and a lot of bittersweet (or should I say butter-sweet?) moments in between. The chef Julia Child had the philosophy that laughter was as delicious as food, so if that is the case, everything I made was scrumptious. I am glad to be ending on a high note, like the Mary Tyler Moore Show, rather than being cancelled without notice like The Brady Bunch. I want to especially thank Mark and Julia. Mark is my silent partner and my better half. He kept me going when I so wanted to quit, always reminding me that Denni would never let me hear the end of it if I did. And my own Julia child, whose sweetness and good nature kept us focused, never forgetting the sacrifice of eating nasty food was for Uncle Denni. I wish life were like TV, so I could just wake up next to Suzanne Pleschette and have this all have been a dream, but it isn't, and saying goodbye to Alice is like saying goodbye to Denni, for a second time. I truly felt like he was with me everyday in the kitchen, and I will admit to talking to him on the days things didn't go as planned. In June, I didn't know how I would make it through each day and I needed a crutch, which this blog turned out to be.  As a whole, I have learned a lot about myself and cooking (mostly how not to). This experience has expanded my horizons, we will have to wait and see where it takes me next. Stay tuned.

Episode Note: "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" Feeling that the boys need to bond with their new stepmother, Alice defers all requests for band-aids, buttons, and arbitrations to Carol. Carol is elated, making her 'feel like a mother and wife' for the first time since moving in.  Alice does such a good job, that she manuvers herself right out of job, feeling that they no longer need her. She makes up a story about a sick Aunt in Seattle, and turns in her resignation. Everyone is saddened at the prospect of losing Alice, but Carol realizes that Alice just may feel overburdened by the expanded family. Mike thinks he can solve the matter by offereing her a pay raise, which she refuses. But then, Jan and Marcia overhear Alice on the phone telling a friend she's obsolete (like a victrola when the new stereo arrives). They of course blab this to the rest of the family, and the Brady's conspire to show Alice how much she is needed by creating chaos that only she can handle. She sees through the ruse, but realizes there is still a place for her in their home and decides to stay. Good old Alice, always there when you need her the most.

Oahu Pineapple Spice Cake

Today is Mark's birthday and I purposefully saved this one when I realized it would coincide with my last recipe post. Two year's ago, when he turned 50, it also happened to be the 50th anniversary of Hawaii's statehood, so we had a "Mark 5-0" Hawaiian luau. Since then, he always wants a tropical birthday, and since we are going to Hawaii in February, I thought it fitting. Had Denni not gotten ill, we never would have planned the trip, although we talked about it often. When he was diagnosed, it jolted us into living for the moment, and left us with the feeling that we didn't want to someday look back and say we should have gone, but didn't. That said, pineapple cake. Flour, eggs, oil, cinnamon, nutmeg, sugars (white and brown), and pineapple baked in a Bundt pan. The best part is the icing, with among the sugar also includes rum and a lot of butter. The other two cakes from Alice had mixed results, but I was feeling hopeful about this one. Of course, the recipe directions were less than complete, but why should today be any different? I am on to Alice, and she cannot out smart me. We also had an all hors d'oeuvres dinner, because there isn't anything Mark wouldn't do for a platter of pu-pu.

Episode Note: "Hawaii Bound" The first of the three part Hawaiian epic. Mike has a big construction project he is overseeing in Oahu and takes the whole family along for the ride. Everything is coming up hibiscus for the Brady's in paradise.They take a whirlwind tour of the island, including Diamond Head and a solemn visit to  Pearl Harbor. The son of the man who owns the construction company offers to show Greg the island "sights" and do some surfing. Cindy and Bobby have a chance encounter with Don Ho. The girls all take in the shopping. Bobby even finds a cute little good luck charm at the construction site that he wears around his neck. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it seems as if there is absolutely nothing that could spoil this idyllic family vacation...

Our Pilgrim Fathers' Thanksgiving Turkey

I love Thanksgiving and I love turkey. It is the easiest of meats to cook as long as you remember to clean it out first. Then, a little salt, some butter and into the roaster. The lengthy cooking time gives one the opportunity to reflect and to give thanks.  I am thankful for what we did have. The times at 8 Point, the "Real Live Brady Bunch," the Halloweens and Christmases, the can of beans in the mixer box, this cookbook, Paige and Andrew. All of the little times, and days, and conversations and our last trip to Chicago at Easter. The email I sent to him right before chemo telling him how much I loved him, his response saying the same to me. For all of the new and renewed friendships this experience has brought, and yes, even for Facebook. For every day, every moment, I am thankful for it all.

Episode Note: "The Un-underground Movie" Greg decides to make a film for his history project about the the first Thanksgiving. He enlists the help of the whole family to act in and to create elaborate sets and the costumes for the production. Too many cooks spoil the turkey, as it were, when everyone believes they also have a say in the creative direction of the film, making Greg wish he had never conceived the idea in the first place. Wanting to quit, but able to muster the same courage of the early settlers to carry on, Greg manages to reign in his out of line cast and crew. They wind up making an over dramatic cheesy silent movie of the suffering of the pilgrims through the harsh winter and failing crops and their relationship with the native Americans that culminates in the sharing of the first Thanksgiving meal. I gave thanks when it ended.

Grandma Connie's Shortbread

Shortbread cookies, just like grandma used to make. Okay, my grandmother never made these but I am sure some one's did. Flour, confectioner's sugar, and two sticks of butter mixed and rolled into a log and refrigerated for hour before being kneaded, rolled out and cut. Alice suggested using a round cookie cutter, but Julia and I used a pumpkin shape, 'tis the season after all. Baked for 20 minutes and cooled on a rack. Yes, she said to cool them on a rack. This makes me so proud of Alice, she's really come a long way since the "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Muffins."

Episode Note: "You're Never Too Old"  A tour de force for Robert Reed and Florence Henderson, as they play their respective grand parents visiting from out of town. The episode must have been lobbied for by the make-up artist on the set, tired of only getting to tease Jan's wigs. Anyway, Mike and Carol go out of town and Mike's curmudgeon grandfather Hank, and Carol's fun loving grandmother, Connie, come to visit. At first, these two are like oil and water (when the lady met the fellow, it was way less than a hunch). But, the scheming children devise a plot to get the two oldies but goodies together, Hank loosening up and Connie taking things a bit more seriously. One wonders if this gave Robert Reed the compunction to go on to more dramatic roles, like Roots 2 (by a show of hands, who else was disturbed to see Mr Brady as a slave owner?) Anyway, of course the two old fogies become fond of one another and they elope to Vegas, making true that what happens at the Brady's, stays at the Brady's.

Garlic (No Vampire) Potatoes

Oven roasted new red potatoes (at 350 for two hours), then cut up and tossed with plenty of garlic. olive oil and salt and pepper.Yum. Nothing scary about this one. I actually made these last night and we had them with the "New House Pot Roast." They were very good and similar to mine, except I use rosemary instead of garlic. Oops, now you know my dirty little secret that sometimes I combine two recipes to make a meal and then take the next night off. Pay no attention to cook behind the curtain.

Episode Note: "Fright Night:" Two episode posts in a row, with almost identical plot lines. What are the chances? Well, pretty good that by season four, they were recycling plot lines from season one (how green of the producers). So, here we go again. We have Carol making a bust of Mike out of clay for an art class exhibit on Friday. Meanwhile, the boys have nothing better to do than try to frighten the girls with spooky noises in the night and ghostly images outside their window, making them feel as though the house is haunted. Mike and Carol dismiss their fears and the situation is "resolved." But the girls realize that the boys are behind the hijinx, and plot revenge. Then, all six decide to try to scare Alice while Mike and Carol are at the art show. Their best laid plans backfire when Mike and Carol happen upon the scene, and a terrified Alice smashes the bust of Mr Brady, thinking it is the head of a burglar. A classic parental lecture spews forth about the dangers of scaring people and the tragedy that potentially could have occurred. No allowance for two weeks is the punishment, putting a frightening end to the Brady Six's devil's night. Ooooh, scccarrryyy....

New House Pot Roast

I now have an incredibly close relationship with my local butcher as a result of this project. I think he's going to miss me, and Alice. If there was actually a Meatcutter's ball, I think I might get invited this year. Just sayin. Anyway, a rump roast browned on the cook top and then baked in the oven for three hours. Alice then had me make a gravy from the pan drippings, adding garlic, vinegar and tomato sauce in with the flour and the fat.
It was an excellent piece of meat.

Episode Note: "To Move, Or Not to Move" The whole family is complaining about the house being too small, too noisy, and not enough space or privacy, leading Mike and Carol to consider moving to a bigger house with separate girls and boys bathrooms. But, finding the right house that is affordable poses a problem. Alice tells Carol about an old house that has been empty for years that might work, because it is rumored to be haunted. Mike finds one that isn't haunted and makes an offer, they now just need to sell the house on Clinton Avenue. The only catch is that everyone has to change schools and make new friends, leaving the kids unsettled. The reminisce about all the good times in the house and begin to have buyer's remorse. Even Alice worries about moving too, not wanting to get used to a new kitchen. The kids decide to take matters into their own hands and rig up haunting noises to scare away potential buyers. Mike dismisses them as the house settling and women's runaway imaginations. When the buyer shows up, the kids go all out with noises and ghosts to frighten her away. In the end, everyone is relieved to be staying put, admitting that no one really wanted to move. Ah, but what will happen the next time someone wants their own room, that is the question.

Yuletide Pepper Salad

Here's one that I really wasn't looking forward to, just reading the recipe it sounded bad, even though the ingredients each on their own appeal to me. But together, not so much. White rice, sliced red and green peppers and a vinaigrette of Dijon, oil and white wine vinegar, tossed together. I used the rest of the box of converted rice, as my pantry is beginning to be quite full of half used "specialty" items, sort of like the ghosts of recipes past. Alice allowed for it to be served cold or at room temp, I opted for cold, like my revenge. I also went out on a limb and tossed in the rest of the artichoke hearts I had leftover from last night, a nice touch if I do say so myself. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.....

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Episode Note: "The Voice of Christmas" [I will admit that this was a "lost" episode as far I am concerned. I swear I had never seen it growing up, and six months ago if you had asked me if there was a Christmas episode I would have vehemently said no, and possibly bet money or some other tangible item in defense of my position.]  It's Christmastime, and there is a flurry of activity at the Brady residence, decorating the tree, shopping for presents, etc. The holiday is to culminate with a Christmas morning church service with Carol doing a solo of  "O' Come Ye Faithful." But tragedy strikes when she comes down with laryngitis a few days before. All hope seems to be lost that she'll be able to sing and the kids feel as though Christmas is ruined. Little lisping Cindy decides to take matters into her own hands and pleads to the big man himself, the department store Santa, to restore her mother's voice. Mike tries to explain that might be beyond Santa's bailiwick, but Cindy disagrees, saying Santa can do anything. With the family so glum, and Carol bedridden, it is up to Alice to explain to the kids what Christmas is really all about. They rally, and so does Carol, Cindy's wish come true. In the end, they celebrate a very Brady Christmas morning at home, and Carol sings like an angel at church. I believe, I believe, it's silly but I believe....

Psychedelic Pad Paella

This recipe in no way whatsoever resembles how I make paella. I highly doubt anyone actually would make it this way. First, the rice. Traditionally, Paella calls for Valencia or Arborio rice, but Alice insists that I used converted rice, which goes against the grain so to speak. Then, she wants me to put pork chops in. Yes, pork chops, not andouille sausage the way I do it, but pork chops. Oh, and artichoke hearts, which I have never heard of in paella. The rest of the ingredients are fairly standard: chicken, shrimp, peppers, peas, saffron, chicken broth. Her method of cooking it varies as well. I use a paella (which is Spanish for "pan." I used to call it my paella pan, but then realized I was saying pan pan and had to stop because that sounds like I am ordering cheap pizza). Anyway, she wanted me to throw it all into a dutch oven and let it simmer until the liquid was absorbed. It was better than I expected, but that's not always saying much when it comes to Alice.

Episode Note: "Our Son the Man" Starting high school has given Greg the 'treat me like a man, I need my own room' blues when an older girl at school dismisses him for being a square. Wait just a minute you say, he gets the attic room, but no I say, this is two seasons earlier and the attic is described as being three feet tall. (I am beginning to suspect that no one was in charge of continuity on the set). Anyway, after much discussion Mike gives up his den and Greg turns it into a hippie pad, complete with black light and beaded curtains, oh and rock music, the only thing missing is LSD. He also gives himself a makeover (think "New Greg Brady") and dons groovy threads (think fringe vest, head band, bell bottoms and reflector sunglasses). Sadly, all of his efforts to grow up and get hip don't succeed in getting the older girl to notice. He even opts out of the family camping trip so he can stay home and hang with his new homies who don't actually exist. In the end he chucks his new image and returns to the family fold. But wait you say, we saw that before too with "Johnny Bravo." Yes, I say, but that is two seasons away as well. I feel like I'm tripping just trying to keep it all straight.

Safety Monitor Stroganoff

This is another new one for me. I have never made Beef Stroganoff probably because it contains sour cream and I was under the twenty year impression that it was a no-no in our house. But now it isn't, so I combined the sour cream, tomato paste Worcestershire sauce, Dijon mustard, paprika and salt and pepper (to taste) and simmered for 20 minutes then removed from the heat and let it stand. Meanwhile, I sauteed sliced white mushrooms, set them aside and then browned the the beef tips and set them aside.I then returned the sour cream mixture to a simmer, added the mushrooms then added the beef until heated through. Served over egg noodles (which I now swear by NoYolks). Not bad, I'd let it off with a warning.

Episode Note: "Law and Disorder" Bobby takes his post as School Safety Monitor to the extreme. So much so, that his enforcement of the rules has alienated both his friends and family.  At first, he's not so enthused about being "class cop," but after a lecture about responsibility and the importance of enforcing the rules, likening him to a police officer, from Mike and Carol, Bobby is good to go. He studies the rules religiously so as to be able to crack down in the school yard. He writes tickets like the paper grows on trees for gum chewing, littering, and disorderly conduct in the hallways. Meanwhile, Mike brings home an old wooden row boat  and the Brady's set about to make it seaworthy. After issuing Cindy a moving violation for running in the hall, things go from bad to worse. Bobby turns his attention to enforcing the rules at home as well. He tries to explain that he's just doing his duty, but it falls on deaf ears. He begins compiling a weekly report for Mike and Carol on all the Brady rule breaking. Bobby has become what everyone in the family despises: a rat fink. Busting others is easy, but then Bobby finds himself in a rule breaking situation when a girl named Jill asks him to rescue her cat Pandora from an abandoned building clearly labeled 'KEEP OUT.' He successfully performs his role as first responder, but gets his good clothes filthy in the process. Trying to cover up his act, he puts his suit and a whole box of laundry detergent in the washer (that's always funny when suds are everywhere). He admits to breaking a rule, but Mike and Carol explain that some rule breaking is ok and they no longer want him enforcing the law at home, saying he has taken it too far. Talk about a mixed message. He doesn't even get a punishment, apparently his two wrongs made a right somehow. Mutiny on the SS Brady is narrowly avoided.

Poison Apple Cider

Grown-up apple cider at its finest. Black tea, brewed and strained over sugar. Once the sugar is dissolved, orange juice, brandy and the cider are added. Garnished with  lemon. I have occasionly wondered if Alice was a closet drinker, nipping at the cooking sherry, but now we know she likes her brandy disguised as apple cider. As an aside, I am down to the final eight recipes.

Episode Note: "Snow White and the Seven Brady's" Cindy's beloved teacher is retiring and the class wants to buy her an expensive gift. Not having the funds to do so, Cindy suggests that they put on a play to raise money. All is well until a snafu results in the theatre being double booked and Cindy has no venue. But the show must go on and the Brady's brainstorm and decide to do it in their own backyard. They elect to perform Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, leaving Cindy with two casting problems: first, their are only six Brady children (Mike is Prince Charming, Carol is Snow White and Alice is the evil queen) and second, each of them want to be Dopey (leaving that one alone). They draw Dwarf names from a hat, and no one gets Dopey. Sam comes to the rescue, making a house call meat delivery just at that moment and he gets the coveted role. Tickets are sold, the stage and costumes are created, lines are rehearsed again and again. The rub comes the day of the show when Alice realizes that she has rehearsed the poison apple scene so many times that she's out of apples, causing Mike and Sam, in full Prince and Dopey costume to drive to the market to get more apples. A police officer intervenes when they double park and neither has any identification (no pockets in tights). They explain the whole play concept trying to get out of the jam, only further getting them into trouble when the officer inquires as to whether or not they have a permit to sell tickets (damn government intrusion). They manage to iron things out by inviting the policeman and his children to attend the performance (LAPD respond well to bribery) and the show goes without a hitch. Mirror, Mirror on the wall, is this the dopiest episode of all?

Misunderstanding Mashed Potato Cakes

I don't think I get this. Cold mashed potatoes (Alice didn't tell me how to get them) mixed with butter and flour, then turned onto a floured surface, rolled out (which was impossible), cut into "fun" shapes (her idea of a joke) and fried on a griddle for 3 minutes per side. Yes, you read that correctly. Well, as you can tell from the photo, the shapes weren't very fun, but they started out as pumpkins, butterflies and ice cream cones, I kid you not. Taste wise, we all agreed that they were edible, but a waste of some good mashed potatoes, which are a staple in our house. Perhaps I just misunderstood Alice's intent. It is clear, I shall be tested until the bitter end.

Episode Note: "Goodbye Alice, Hello" (Sometimes known as the "Kay" episode in super fan circles) A series of unfortunate events leads the kids to give Alice the silent treatment. She reluctantly rats Greg and Peter out for breaking a lamp (turns out Mom never said not to toss a Frisbee in the house) and also innocently squeals on Marcia for leaving the record player on. Feeling as though she irreparably breached their trust, and is no longer a friend to the kids, Alice resigns. Heartbroken, she has decided that it is finally time to move on. She gets a more than suitable replacement in Kay, her housekeeper BFF. Kay is all cooking and cleaning and no small talk. She believes not to get involved personally with the family who employs her. The contrast between jovial, fun loving Alice and staid Kay becomes startling to the kids. They begin to long for the old days (two days prior) and  Alice. Feeling remorse for treating her poorly, they get Kay to tell them where Alice  is, and track her down at a local diner, where she is a waitress. They convince Alice that they do love her and want her back. She clicks her heels together and returns to the Brady household, knowing that there's no place like home.

Double Trouble Cookies

Nothing troubles me about these cookies, really nothing troubles me about cookies in general. Flour, sugar (white and brown), peanut butter, egg, baking soda, butter and two kinds of chips: chocolate and peanut butter. This would have been a dessert trifecta for Denni, cookies, chocolate and peanut butter, three of his favs rolled (well, really dropped by the spoonful) into one. Twice as good as regular cookies, and no two looked exactly the same.

Episode Note: "Two Petes in a Pod" A double shark jump when Peter discovers the new kid at school, Arthur Owens, is his doppelganger. At first, it is all fun and games as they pretend to be each other, fooling teachers, friends and family. But, Arthur throws a wrench into the frivolity when, posing as Peter, makes a date with Pamela to go to a costume party. At the same time, Peter as Peter makes a date with Michelle for the same night to come over and hang out. Peter, doesn't want to break either date, especially since Pamela is Mr. Phillips' niece, and he doesn't want to let on to his parents what he and Arthur have been up to. They devise a plot to have "Peter" go on both dates. Arthur is to come over and as Peter entertain Pamela, while Peter goes out with Michelle. The plan is a almost fool-proof except for Arthur is late and both girls arrive before he does. Peter does his best to run back and forth between the living room and family room, taking off and putting on his Dracula costume in between until Arthur shows up. All is well and Peter and Michelle are about to leave, when Mike and Carol unexpectedly come home and find two of Peter, forcing Peter to tell the truth to the girls and his parents about he and Arthur. The girls don't seem to mind, and the parents seem unfazed by the double vision, it being the 70s and all.

Westdale High Family Frolics Frittata

This is sort of like breakfast for dinner in one dish: eggs, ham cheese and potato baked together. First, Alice had me quarter white potatoes and boil for 15 minutes and then drain, cool and sliced. Then, in a baking dish I layered  the ham and the potatoes. In a separate bowl I beat six eggs and added herbs and salt and pepper and then poured that over the ham and potatoes, followed by some shredded Gruyere. Baked for 25 minutes or until golden brown (yes, she is always that precise). The consensus was that is was okay, but my breakfast strada is better. I say strada, Alice says frittata, let's call the whole thing off.

Episode Note: "The Show Must Go On?"  We find Greg and Marcia both having volunteered their parents to perform in the Westdale High Family Night Frolics talent show. Needless to say, Carol is less than thrilled at at the notion of singing in public, and as Mike tries to convince her to do it he gets roped into performing with Greg. Everyone chips in to sell tickets and Alice volunteers to take some down to Sam at the butcher shop. All is well, especially since chicken livers are on sale for 69 cents a pound, until Alice discovers Sam would rather go bowling than take her to the Frolics. A fight ensues and they break up. Alice is down in the dumps at home, and Jan and Cindy take matters into their own hands and decide to make Sam jealous by convincing him that Alice is cheating on him. This doesn't sit well with Sam, and he demands that Alice allow him to take her to the show. Nothing like young girls lying and manipulating so a woman can get her man. Anyway, Carol and Marcia perform "Together" from Gypsy and Mike does a dramatic reading accompanied by Greg on the guitar, spicing it up with a comic gag routine involving Peter and Bobby dropping feathers and water from the cat walk to much laughter from the audience. The show is a rousing success. Remember when you were a kid and thought if you and your mother could just do a song and dance routine together dressed as hobos everything would be grand? Yeah, me too.

Lost Locket Lentil Soup

I have never made lentil soup, or anything with lentils before today. Got some great advice while out to lunch with my docent friends, which sadly I cannot use because I must follow Alice's orders. So, bacon (a good start for any recipe) sauteed and then removed from the pan and its place carrots, onions and garlic cooked in the rendered fat. Chicken stock, thyme, bay leaves and the lentils are added and brought to a boil and then covered and simmered for 45 minutes. The bacon is added at the end. To begin and end with bacon is always a good thing, but the soup itself not so great. Luckily, we still have ice cream pie...

Episode Note: "Lost, Locket, Found Locket" So far we've seen Jan play not so funny jokes, wear a crazy wig, try to remove freckles, worry that she'll look like a  kook when she's older, exclaim "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia," become the most popular unpopular girl in school, fail miserably at the performing arts, and wish to be an only child. Today completes the Jan story arc when she once again is depressed over the lack of attention she is getting at home (Note to the reader: I've given up on the tirades of the injustice served to this poor girl at every turn and will just relay the story).  She receives an anonymous package in the mail from "nobody" that contains a locket. Jan is delighted with her gift, but mystified as to who might have sent it. This sets off attempts by the whole family to get to the bottom of the mystery sender, apparently suspicious of anyone being nice to Jan. Greg, after examining the address label notices that the typewriter used drops its "Ys" and this becomes the overriding clue. Carol and Mike immediately suspect one another, leading Carol and Alice to sneak into Mike's office after hours with flashlights to check his typewriter and its "Ys". Meanwhile, at home alone, Mike also checks Carol's portable (typewriter, that is) for its "Ys". Both schemes fail to yield results. But then, an even bigger mystery occurs. Jan, while sleeping, wakes to find her locket is gone! This leaves her even more depressed than before, if that is possible. The family shifts focus from who sent the locket, to finding the locket. Greg suggests an reenactment, like on TV, setting into motion all the events leading up to the locket's disappearance. That is when Jan remembers that she was leaning out the window just before going to bed the night it vanished and thus the locket is found outside the window hanging on the ivy.  With the locket found, and the heat off as far as discovering who sent it, Alice confides in Jan that she is in fact the "nobody". She sent it, because as a middle sister herself, she knows all to well what it's like to be nobody in a family and wanted Jan to feel special for once. Alas, Alice feels not only Jan's pain, but mine as well.

Own Room Manicotti

I was actually looking forward to this recipe (an anomaly I know), as I have never made stuffed manicotti before but was always tempted by the large shells in the pasta aisle. So, a mix of ricotta and mozzarella cheeses, stuffed into the cooked manicotti (which is harder than it sounds and I am thinking about trying my hand at sausage next) and placed in a baking dish layered first with tomato sauce. A second layer of sauce goes on top, with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese and into the oven for 45 minutes. One really can''t go wrong with tomatoey, cheesy, pasta goodness, not even Alice.

Episode Note: "A Room at the Top" Who knew the Brady's had an attic? You would think by the fourth season the lines of communication between Mike and Carol may have improved. But, they haven't. It all starts when Greg is feeling cramped and childish sharing a room with his two younger brothers and a friend asks if he wants to move out on his own and share an apartment. Mike and Carol nix that idea, but Mike tells Greg he can have the attic for his own. Meanwhile, Marcia gets the "own room I need more privacy" bug, and Carol tells her she can have the attic for her own room. Comedy ensues when the boys start to bring Greg's stuff upstairs and the girls do likewise with Marcia's. As a result Greg and Marcia argue, both asserting that they have permisssion to use the room. But Greg is the stand-up guy, and gives the room to Marcia when he hears her tearful pleas for privacy to her sisters. This turn of events irks Bobby and Peter who want Greg out and they conspire to annoy Marcia to give up the room. Marcia accuses Greg of playing dirty tricks, but ultimately concedes the space to him (thank goodness, because Greg never could have had Raquel spend the night in the boys room) since he is the oldest and will be leaving for college soon. Greg turns the attic into a room of his own. And for once, Greg, not Marcia, ends up on top.

Sore Throat Ice Cream Pie

Pumpkin ice cream pie, a perfect anecdote to a chilly October day. I love pumpkin pie, and pumpkin muffins, and pumpkin donuts, but have never had it in an ice cream pie form. Normally when we make pies (and I say we, but I really mean Mark) "we" make our own crust. Mark makes the most delicious, perfect pie crust, but today Alice told me to use a pre-made store bought crust. And I follow her orders. So, canned pumpkin, vanilla ice cream, nutmeg and cinnamon blended together and put into the baked crust, then frozen.

Episode note: "Coming Out Party" Mr. Phillips invites the entire Brady clan, including Alice for a day of deep sea fishing on his boat. Everyone is excited for the excursion, except for Alice who gets seasick. Mike warns the kids to stay healthy, but of course Cindy starts sneezing immediately. The sneezes turn into a fever and and soon Dr. Howard (not Cameron or Porter) makes a house call and delivers the bad news, Cindy needs to have her tonsils removed and wants to schedule the surgery for Saturday - the day of the boat trip. The family is disappointed, especially since Peter and Greg went to great lengths to get Alice use to the motion in the ocean by rigging up a plank between two rocking chairs. Anyway, Mike manages to reschedule the trip for the following weekend and there is much rejoicing. Meanwhile, when Cindy is being rechecked by the doctor, she refuses to open wide and say aahh. Carol demonstrates the technique, leading Dr. Howard to determine that she too needs to have her tonsils removed. They both have the operation and are at home resting with strict orders not to speak. But when Mike telephones and Alice is out, Carol answers making Mike angry. She promises not to do it again, so he tests her by calling back, and of course she answers, getting her angry at his trick. The third time is not the charm when the phone rings, as Carol is ready to give Mike a dose of his own medicine, but it is in fact Mr. Phillips calling. Carol, still thinking it is Mike trying to trick her, tells him his boat  is a broken down barnacle barge and hangs up. This leaves Mike with some splaining to do down at the office. Once the mess is cleared up the trip goes as planned (cue some stock footage of a sail boat on the ocean) and all but Alice have a real good time. She's unable to answer the call of the sea, having lost her lunch at the sight of the marina.

Scheming Scalloped Potatoes

I love all potatoes. There is nothing you can do to a poato to get me not to like it. And tonight Alice does us a solid. Peeled and sliced white potatoes (although she didn't specify type), artfully arranged in a casserole dish, drowned in heavy cream and butter, of course, and baked.

Episode Note: "Alice's September Song" Alice, tired of her hum drum going no where relationship with Sam, is swept off of her feet when her old flame Mark Mallard swoops into town. Sweet talking Mark wines and dines Alice every night and brings her flowers every day, much to the chagrin of Sam. Alice is on cloud nine feeling like a school girl again, but Mike and Carol become suspicious of  Mark and aim to get to the bottom of his true intentions towards their beloved Alice. Although, it seems more like they don't want to lose their housekeeper than protect Alice from a cad, which is what Mark turns out to be. After several dates, he begins to inquire as to Alice's finances and tells her of an "investment opportunity" that is too good to pass up, and sadly too good to be true. Mike has a friend down at the police department check into Mallard's past and finds out he has been conning old maids out of their money for years. Mike and Carol break the news to Alice, who is crestfallen. Sam shows up, professes his true feelings for Alice, saying " Alice is my inspiration, I see her face in every bowling ball, her figure in every bowling pin" and sends Mark Mallard packing. Leaving Alice to spend the rest of her days waiting for the last pin to drop.

Bogie's Pork Chops and Applesauce

Today would have been Denni's 48th birthday. When he gave me Alice's Cookbook in 1997, his inscription said: ' I suggest the pork chops and applesauce, p.189. Denni.' The regret I have for not having the forethought to have had a Brady Bunch dinner party while he was still living is overwhelming. The entree would surely have been pork chops and applesauce, because as any fan of the show knows, that is the most famous of Alice's meals. What fun we would have had. So, better late than never, tonight we celebrate a life well lived albeit cut too short. Boneless pork chops, sauteed and then removed from the pan, with a vermouth, lemon juice and butter reduction pan gravy. Served with applesauce, a resolution to have no more regrets, and a tear or two.

Episode Note: "The Personality Kid" When someone at a party actually tells Peter that he has no personality, he takes the dis to heart and begins searching for the new Peter Brady. The girls plot to make Peter feel better by complimenting and flattering him in an overt manner that any dummy could see through the transparent scheme. And of course once it is revealed, he feels even worse. Meanwhile, Cindy and Bobby are on a home safety kick, forcing surprise fire drills. Mike and Carol tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself and improve his personality if he thinks it's so bad. Peter takes this advice to the extreme and begins adopting the personas of famous leading men, most noticeably, Humphrey Bogart. He then proceeds to talk like Bogie, and when he sees what they are having for dinner, he repeats that like Bogart too. "Pork chops and applesauce" over and over. This too fails and he resorts to a joke book to amp up his wow factor. Everyone in the house guffaws at his jokes, giving him a false sense of humor. He asks to have a party to try out his new act. Sadly, the kids at the party have heard them all before and Peter is even more deflated, as there is no punch in his line. A few of Peter's girl friends gather round him to convince him that he's anything but dull and things are finally looking up. Peter finds solace and popularity in his dullness and the girls who feel sorry for him. Here's looking at you, kid.

Cure for a Fever Chcken Soup

Chicken noodle soup, perfect for a chilly day. First, Alice had me boil chicken pieces in water for about an hour and a half, remove the chicken from the bone, return it to the now broth. add noodles and boil and then simmer. No added veggies, no nothing else. Chicken soup in it's purest form, not even heavy cream! If you are feeling a cold coming on and in the area, stop by.

Episode Note: "Career Fever" Greg wants to be an architect. Greg doesn't want to be an architect. I wish he would make up his mind. Apparently, he wrote a school essay saying he wants to follow in his father's footsteps for lack of a better idea, but doesn't feel that way. Mike reads the essay and is so proud his buttons pop, not remembering the disastrous results of the last time Greg tried out architecture, and offers to get him a job down at the office. Meanwhile, Peter and Jan decide their own future professions: doctor and nurse (Jan, always second fiddle). They begin studying the medical dictionary for rare diseases, leading Peter to fear he has six months to live. Anyway, Greg is in a pickle but comes up with a scheme to show what a no talent he is by drawing really bad sketches for Mike's perusal. Mike tries to see the bright side by complementing Greg's potential and what seemed to be hard work. If they both would just have been honest, this episode would be over by now. But instead, Mike decides to give him a drafting set hoping that the right tools will make a difference. Greg, feeling the pressure to please his father, decides to go even farther out in his drawings to really dissuade Mike. Privately, Mike admits Greg is Frank Lloyd Wrong, but still encourages him to his face.  Greg can't take it anymore and  finally comes clean, and everyone, including Peter, are feeling much better, thank you.

Only Child Peanut Butter Sandwich

Crunchy peanut butter, salami, and sliced red onion on sandwich bread. I could not subject Julia and Mark to such an culinary atrocity. Serves one. Denni liked crunchy peanut butter, that's about the only nice thing I can say about it. A waste of peanut butter, salami, bread and time. You would have to be alone when eating this, because anyone around you would lose their lunch.

Episode Note: "Jan, The Only Child" A really good episode, for a really bad recipe. Everyone who is not an only child could relate to Jan at one time or another in their lives. Unfortunately, she's the only Brady to feel pushed around, left out, disrespected and lack privacy. The situation comes to a head when Jan befriends Donna, a lucky girl with no siblings. Jan sees that Donna's grass is always greener as she never has to share the bathroom, the telephone or the TV. Mike and Carol once again dismiss Jan's feelings and tell her she's lucky to have brothers and sisters to play with. Jan decides to rebel and not attend the charity hoedown on Saturday night, instead spending the evening with Donna. Mike and Carol are dismayed because they will be one short for the big square dance, but let Jan make her own choices. A corny square dance in the living room scene follows that you really have to see to believe. Jan sits out the rehearsal and when the other kids ask why, Mike explains that Jan is just going through a phase (that will last for several of the early reunion shows). Anyway, the kids try to give Jan her space, which of course backfires and Jan goes postal on them, telling them they are all phonies,.They give it right back to her, promising to be "invisible" whenever she's around. Then, they have a potato sack race, sans Jan, on the AstroTurf. Mike and Carol opt to let the kids work the situation out for themselves, feeling that Jan deserves the medicine she's getting. Sadly, Jan learns she can't have it both ways when she wants to play a game of checkers or borrow Marcia's sweater and the cold shoulder starts to give her a chill of loneliness. Jan caves and apologizes, and goes to the family hoedown. Jan learns once again the hard way, that six Brady's are better than one.

Classified Yogurt Chicken

This is one secret I wish would have been kept. Boneless chicken breasts, rubbed all over with plain yogurt, sprinkled with Parmesan cheese and baked. The  next time I cook my way through a nasty cookbook, remind me not to save the worst for last. Served with Julia's favorite rice, so she'd have something to eat and a lot of bread. And a lot of wine. I do want to share something I did today. I looked just at the 90
 or so photos of the food, and it was quite something to see them all. Some of them seem so long ago, but mostly it overwhelmed me with what I have accomplished thus far.

Episode Note: "Top Secret" At this point in the series, not only had they jumped the shark, it had capsized the boat and eaten the crew. Bobby and Oliver suspect Mike is doing secret spy work for the government when an FBI agent comes calling. In reality (which I realize has no bearing), he is just designing a classified government building and the agent needed to clear up a few issues with his security clearance. Although Mike explains this to the boys, conspiracy theorist Oliver doesn't buy it and for some reason Bobby goes along with the (hi)jinx. Then, Sam arrives to ask a  favor of Mike, but it is a secret (not really, he just needs sketches for  an expansion of his store). Alice is sure it's hers and Sam's honeymoon cottage and Marcia helps her jump to that conclusion with both feet. While he's at the house, Sam mistakenly tells Bobby and Oliver that his project is "top secret" and tells them an exaggerated story of his army exploits to get their juices flowing. One ridiculous thing leads to another and using the knowledge they've gained from watching Mission: Impossible, the boys plot to trap Sam, who they now believe is a double agent, and his landlord, who they believe is also in on the plot, in the meat locker at the butcher shop just when Mike arrives to deliver the sketches. Mike frees them and when Bobby and Oliver explain their theories, they all have a big laugh - Sam admits to being one spy who's glad to be in from the cold, of the meat locker that is. Mike lectures the boys about jumping  to conclusions without all of the facts, something Alice is also guilty of. She is crushed to find it is a butcher shop expansion and not a proposal that caused to be Sam so furtive. Good Evening Mr Phelps, your mission if you to choose to accept it: destroy this episode. This tape will self-destruct in 5 seconds. Good luck, Jim.

Lost Earrings Pot Roast

This is another one of those days when every part of the cook in me knows what I am doing is wrong, but I go through with it anyway. A beef roast, smothered in a mixture of red wine, cream of mushroom soup, tomato soup and a packet of onion soup mix alongside potatoes, carrots, onions and celery, cooked and periodically basted for 2 hours. I pledge after tonight to never use soup in a recipe ever again, unless something suddenly comes up.

Episode Note: "The Great Earring Caper" Marcia has a pair of earrings on loan from Carol. She warns Cindy not to touch them. Cindy disobeys and "borrows" the earrings and while looking at herself in the bathroom mirror panics when her mother calls her and wraps them in a towel on the vanity. When she returns moments later - they're gone! Enlisting the help of Peter and his Sherlock Holmes Do it Yourself Detective Kit, Cindy is determined to recover the missing earrings. Apparently, all of those lectures about honesty and admitting wrong doing have fallen on deaf ears. In the meantime, Carol and Mike are trying to decide on a famous couple costume for a party Saturday night. Peter is eager to solve his first real mystery, and after getting "just the facts" from Cindy sets out to question and fingerprint the usual suspects in hope of cracking the case wide open. This, and the taking apart of the bathroom drain yield no results. When Mike and Carol decide to go as Marc Antony and Cleopatra, Carol asks Marcia for the earrings. That's when Cindy admits her wrong doing and Peter his failure as a detective. Mike takes over and a la MacMillan and Wife reconstructs each culprits actions on the day in question and we see Cindy put the towel down, Alice pick it up and put it in the laundry, Jan carry the laundry bag to the service porch and Carol load and run the wash. They all head to the laundry room  to find the lost earrings in the washer, although badly damaged. Really, it was elementary my dear Cindy.

Jan's Gone Bananas Bread

Even Alice can't ruin something so simple as banana bread. Mix mashed bananas (although she didn't say to use over-ripe ones, I knew better), flour, eggs, sugar, vanilla. Pour into a loaf pan and bake. I also employed a little trick Martha (Stewart) taught me - I lined the pan with parchment paper for an easy exit.  I used to make it all the time during the great banana bread craze of 1985. Or maybe that was just when I was crazy. Anyway, a pleasant Sunday morning treat.

Episode Note: "Will the Real Jan Brady Please Stand Up" Now this is why I love doing this. By far the best crazy Jan extravaganza ever. Jan is like a car accident, you know you shouldn't look, but you just can't help yourself. This time, Jan goes off the cliff when she gets an invitation to Lucy Winter's party that was inadvertently addressed to Marcia. Jan is feels as though she has no individual identity as the middle child and likens her position to being invisible. Upon hearing this, Carol immediately dismisses her concerns, ignoring the very loud cry for help. After seeing an ad in a magazine for hair color, Jan decides she needs to change her outward appearance in order to stand out and be noticed. Her solution: purchase a crazy black wig (sold to her by the great Marcia Wallace) and become the "New Jan Brady." The family has a field day when they see Jan in her wig, Marcia telling her she looks like kook, but Jan is not to be dismayed. Even when Mike and Carol tell her it's what's on the inside that counts (which is precisely the problem), they agree to let her wear it to Lucy's party. Okay, I need to stop right here and say, these parents should have been arrested. I have but one word: THERAPY! Who in their right mind would let their daughter humiliate herself like that in front of other children?! Did I mention that this should been seen as a cry, no a bloody murder scream for help?! Left unchecked, this is exactly how a girl ends up as Dawn:Portrait of a Teenage Runaway. Anyway, it is heartbreaking how confident Jan is on her way to the party that she and her new look will be a smash. But of course, Lucy and friends laugh their asses off and Jan runs home crushed. Lucy apologizes, telling Jan she thought it must be a joke since her real hair is so pretty. The old Jan Brady is back and she is wiggedy wack.

Home Alone Bubbling Potatoes

Essentially a twiced baked potato. Alice had me bake the potatoes, scoop out the insides, mash them with sour cream and cheese and the refill the potatoes with the mash mixture and bake for another 20 minutes. Quite tasty. Perfect for one, or with a group. But as you can see, three's a crowd.

Episode Note: "The Babysitters" Greg and Marcia are dying to be left alone in charge of Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy  for the evening to show how responsible they truly are. Mike and Carol are uneasy about this, but when they have dinner reservations and Alice is helping Sam "redecorate" his apartment they acquiesce.  But not before giving Greg and Marcia hours full of instructions, emergency phone numbers and warnings about not opening the door to strangers, etc. At the last minute, Cindy comes down with the sniffles and is sent to bed, worrying Carol even more, but Mike assures her everything will be fine. All goes well except that Jan is monopolizing the telephone, so every time Carol or Mike sneak away to call, the line is busy enhancing their anxiety. They finally decide to go home and peek in on the kids, which prompts Greg to call the police when he hears suspicious noises outside. Comedy ensues when the police show up and question Mike and Carol and Alice, who also shows up, as prowlers. Once they explain, it all makes perfect sense, sort of. Trust renewed, the grown-ups go back out for the evening and Greg and Marcia are finally alone to "redecorate."

Banquet Night Hostess London Broil

Flank steak, brushed with olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper and broiled 5 minutes per side. I don't know if this is actually how they do it in London, but it's how Alice does it and  as of now it's how I do it too. I have high hopes for this, the last time Alice had me prepare flank steak (of the Frog Prince variety) it was quite tasty. And, it's expensive, so I would hate to ruin it. The Jesse James T-Bones were good, too and so was Prof Whitehead's Beef Teriyaki, leading Julia to comment that "Alice knows her meat."

Episode Note: "My Fair Opponent" Molly Webber, the homely girl at school,  plays Eliza Doolittle  to Marcia's Henry Higgins in another what where they thinking at that school? episode.  This time it's an election for "Banquet Night" Hostess, apparently a pretty girl popularity contest that goes awry when Marcia' s fellow students nominate Molly as a joke. Marcia sees this as a great injustice and takes Molly under wing, trying to modernize her hair and clothing and gets her to ditch her glasses. She also helps Molly write a killer nomination speech. As a result, Molly is the new most popular girl at school and it quickly goes to her head, forgetting that she has Marcia to thank, and clearly not thinking about the shallow nature of her classmates. When the other nominee drops out of the contest, Marcia is second-runner up and takes her place. Initially she doesn't want to challenge poor Molly, but when Molly gets too big for her britches, Marcia tells her to bring it on. The girls go head to head, but Molly prevails. The night of the banquet Marcia is at home and feeling low when  Molly, seeing the error of her ways, shows up with an astronaut (because the Hostess always has a celebrity escort apparently) and graciously asks Marcia to share the title. The reign of hostess falls mainly on the girl with the mostess.

Third Time's the Charm Tomato Soup

Tomato soup, sounds good on paper, right? Unless you are reading Alice's recipe, which does not contain heavy cream, of all the times to omit the cream, she chooses tomato soup. Eight tomatoes peeled and chopped simmered in butter and garlic, then add chicken broth, lemon juice, sugar, salt and pepper, bring to a boil, simmer 10 minutes more and call it soup, or not. Mark pointed out that this is only slightly different from Depression Era tomato soup, which was ketchup and hot water. Julia had the good sense to suggest that we also have grilled cheese sandwiches, so at least there would be something decent to eat. It was actually better than Leeky Vase Soup, which is a low threshold, I know.  It's not something I would try again.

Episode Note: "Try, Try, Again" Another installment of the trials and tribulations of  Jan. This time it is fail, fail, again as she tries to find something she has a talent for. First, we see her bomb at ballet and turn into a big quitter when she isn't chosen to perform at the recital. Mike thinks Jan is old enough to deal with life's disappointments, but Carol the nurturer encourages her to try another form of dance. And thus, Jan's second failure, tap. But not before she drives the family insane with the tap, tap, tapping. Marcia sums it up when she says what everyone else is thinking: that Jan has no talent. Jan overhears and wholeheartedly agrees. Allegedly feeling sorry for hurting her sister's feelings, Marcia suggests that Jan try out for drum majorette, which seems like a good idea until Jan flails the baton through the family room window. Things are really looking bleak for poor old loser Jan. Alice says that on a scale of 1 to 10 Jan is a negative 3, but always supportive Marcia takes it one step further and declares Jan 'the most miserable member of the human race.' (How does she sleep at night?) Despite attempts by her brothers and sisters to boost her confidence by letting her win at ping pong and monopoly, Jan's sure that she is nothing more than a 'no talent loser.' At her parents insistence that she try something else, she auditions for the school play. The role is that of a starving artist and Jan paints her own prop picture to use during the try-out. She takes another nose dive as an actress, but in a twist of fate, the art teacher sees her painting and thinks she has what it takes to be a real artist. Finally, Jan finds her special purpose, until of course she becomes the most unpopular popular girl. Confucius say: enjoy temporary happiness, misery right around corner.

Scoop Brady's Baked Chicken

After nearly 90 recipes, I realize a fatal flaw. Turns out I saved the worst for last. When I had 50 or 60 to choose from, I would skip over certain ones, thinking I would do them later. Well, it seems later has come sooner than I thought. This is another one of those that just upon reading you know it can't be good, or possibly work the way Alice describes. Iindividual casserole dishes are moistened with broth, then cooked egg noodles, then topped with the sauce (milk, flour, broth, lemon juice, salt, pepper and nutmeg) and poached chicken. Baked for 30 minutes. It's the milk that gets me and the baking and the proportions are off, I had to use one large baking dish. I am dumbfounded, or maybe just dumb. And that's the whole truth.

Episode Note: "Power of the Press" Just can't get enough of Peter this week. He has been awarded a column in the Filmore Junior High called "The Whole Truth by Scoop Brady." Peter is taking this new assignment very seriously, so much so that he has let his schoolwork, especially science, fall by the wayside. He hoards all of the pencils, erasers and carbon paper (there's a blast from the past) in the house and hunkers down over Mike's typewriter to create his column. Meanwhile, Marcia's practicing for a puppet show. Peter has writer's block and even though Jan and Marcia give him lots of news items, it all seems a bit too dull. Greg and Alice suggest jazzing it up by mentioning names and making his column more personal. He writes a column flattering to several students and then reciprocate by giving Peter gifts and inviting him to parties. Despite warnings from Greg and Marcia about the persnickety science teacher Mr Price, Peter blows off  studying for his science final exam and gets a big fat "D." Peter decides to use his column to flatter Mr Price, hoping it will influence his final grade. Mike and Carol find out about the D and the sucking up and lecture Peter about the responsibility involved in the power of the press. Peter comes clean to Mr Price, who wasn't fooled by the sudden adoration and they both agree that their communication skills could use an upgrade. Peter ends up with the final grade he earned, a "C."  Mike and Carol end with a lights out kissing grading system of their own - now that's the power of the press.
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Eavesdropping Macaroni & Cheese

Macaroni and cheese, always a welcome meal at our house. My recipes have evolved over the years. I originally started making my mother's recipe (straight off the Mueller's box) of cheddar cheese, milk, flour. ground mustard, etc. Then, two years ago I was turned onto Martha Stewart's version by my BBBF Anne. She uses an enormous amount of cheese(white cheddar and Gruyere), milk, flour, etc and it is delicious. Those two are both baked, but today, we have Alice's cheddar cheese, ricotta, heavy cream, white wine, no bake mac and cheese. Alice's note under the recipe says  "Youcan't go wrong with this dish" - and maybe in her crazy mixed-up baked bean sandwich world that's true. But not in mine.

Episode Note: "The Private Ear" Yet another problem with snooping, this time it is Peter. Marcia confides in Jan about her new love and swears her to secrecy. What they don't know is that Peter is surreptitiously recording the "private" conversations of everyone in the house, including theirs. He uses his inside info to pretend that Jan spilled the beans, and Marcia accuses Jan of telling about you know who, and you know what, and now it will be all over you know where.  A similar distrust emerges between Greg and Marcia and then Bobby and Cindy, each time being the odd-man out with the inside scoop. Mike and Carol quickly catch on and confront him, lecturing that secretly tape recording people's conversations (popular in the 70s) can be a criminal act. Peter is forced to come clean and apologize to his sibling, leaving Greg and Marcia dismayed by the leniency of the punishment. They decide to get revenge by planting a phony recording of them discussing a surprise party being planned for Peter. Peter falls for it hook, line and sinker and proceeds to drop hints about potential presents. Then, Mike and Carol get wind of that plot and have a plan of their own to foil Greg and Marcia's - a real party for Peter. How this makes for good parenting, I do not know.They even give him a tape recorder of his very own, teaching him that crime does apparently pay.

Small Fry Hungarian Goulash

I have never made nor eaten Hungarian goulash, so once again have no basis for comparison. That said, you know you are in trouble when just mixing in the ingredients produces a foul odor. On their own (beef, garlic, tomato sauce, Worcestershire, ground mustard, salt, cayenne, paprika, brown sugar and red wine) they do not offend.  Needless to say, I was a bit worried. But then, a funny thing happened. Julia came home from school and said "Mmmmm, something smells good." So with that, the pot simmered for 2 1/2 hours, I added a little flour and water to thicken the sauce and it served over noodles. I had my doubts, but it tasted pretty good.

Episode Note: "Big Little Man" Another mid-childhood crisis for Bobby when he realizes he is shorter than everyone else in the family. Apparently. it doesn't dawn on him that it is because he is younger than everyone but Cindy. There's an incident where Bobby clings to the house after a ladder he shouldn't have been climbing falls. Greg calls him a peewee and it cuts to the core. No one can seem to convince Bobby not to sell himself short, and Sam the butcher calling him "shrimpo" doesn't help. Meanwhile, Greg gets a job delivering meat at Sam's to earn money for a surfboard. Bobby goes through a series of attempts to grow/stretch his body to no avail. The girls even try to encourage him by moving the growth chart lower but Cindy tattles (she never learns), and Bobby is lower than ever. He picks a fight with the biggest kid in school and gets a black eye. Carol convinces him to use his brain power instead of his might to prove his worth. So, instead of Stretch Armstrong, he becomes Mr Know-It-All, but that backfires as well. Alice advises like a good recipe, Bobby needs a balance in his life, hmmmm. Anyway, she sends Bobby on an errand to Sam's to show her confidence in his abilities. But Bobby screws things up when he locks himself  and Greg in the meat locker. The situation seems hopeless until Greg breaks the small window in the door and only Bobby with his diminutive stature can fit through to save the day. Finally, Bobby is glad to be a small fry, not realizing that short people got no reason, no reason to live.

Trophy Toast

This recipe is no prize. It is another one of those bizarre appetizer type things that make no sense and tastes even worse. Crumbled bacon mixed with cheddar cheese, butter, Dijon mustard, spread on a slice of crustless bread, rolled up and broiled. The recipe as Alice wrote it yielded 16 servings, I cut it down to three, which still may have been way too much.

Episode Note: "The Winner" Cindy brings home a trophy for being the best jack player at the playground. Everyone celebrates her stellar accomplishment, except for Bobby. He comes to the realization that he is the only  family member without a major award. Bobby has his Jan/Peter self-pity moment sulking while wearing a donkey mask (really). Mike and Carol encourage him to pick one thing he's good at and keep trying, assuring him that one day he will be a winner. But Bobby is easily angered every time he fails at a game around the house, throwing checkers and such when he loses. He finally finds his niche when he enters an ice cream eating contest on the Kartoon King (played by Mayberry's resident sot, Otis) TV show. A  golden scoop trophy and a year's supply of ice cream are on the line. Although he tries his best, it's just not good enough and Bobby loses, again. Leave it to the Brady's to save the day. He arrives home to a surprise party and a special trophy "just for trying" from his brothers and sisters. Bobby finally feels like a winner instead of a wiener, not realizing that quitters never win, and winners never lose.

Next Shirley Temple Chili

This chili recipe was met with a warm reception on a brisk September evening. Ground beef, stewed tomatoes, green pepper, onion, tomato paste, chili beans and good old chili powder round out the ingredients. After browning the beef, just added the rest, brought to boil and then simmered for 15 minutes. Really couldn't have been easier. It was tasty, not too spicy (for Julia), and very hearty. Paired well with a glass of our everyday Spanish Tempranillo (not for Julia). I heart Fall.

Episode Note: "The Snooperstar"  Marcia is continuously annoyed with Cindy reading her diary and revealing her most intimate thoughts. With the aide of Jan, Marcia begins to plant fictitious diary entries about Cindy. This makes Cindy snoop even more, and with the "help" of that little jinx cousin Oliver, they get the false notion that something big is about to happen. Marcia and Jan concoct a story that a Hollywood talent scout is coming the Brady's to audition Cindy to be the next Shirley Temple. Cindy bites and begins rehearsing her rendition of "The Good Ship Lollipop."  She also styles her hair of gold into curls and wears a Temple-esque dress and patent leather Mary Janes, all the while dreaming of stardom. Meanwhile, Mike is dealing with a difficult BeeBe Gallini type client, Penelope Fletcher (played by none other than Mrs Thurston Howell III, Natalie Schafer). When Ms. Fletcher drops by to see her sketches, Cindy thinks she's the talent scout and breaks into her routine. Charmed by the act and softened from the childhood memories it evokes, Mike gets the deal. Cindy is left only with disappointment and the lesson of snoop and your dreams get snapped.

Three Musketeers Pizza

Sadly, this is not a candy pizza, as I was just reading in the latest Food & Wine how to use up Halloween candy in creative ways, so maybe that's in the future. But today, a run of the mill ham, and cheese(mozzarella, asiago and monterey jack) pizza, which is fitting for this episode, because it has a ham and is very cheesy. We also added some mushrooms that were left over in the fridge. Alice really can't screw up pizza, and I bought the dough, so this is a winner compared to last night. The only thing is Mark is out of town, so it is more like a two musketeer pizza.

Episode Note: "Kelly's Kids" A failed attempt at a Brady Bunch spin-off. Song and dance man and Mayberry alum Ken Berry is suddenly a neighbor on Clinton Avenue. He and his wife, Kathy, are adopting a child and come to Mike and Carol for parenting advice, because who would know more? The problem comes when they pick up their son from the orphanage (a generic white kid), and he has to leave his two best friends, an African-American kid and an Asian kid. The Kelly's decide to adopt all three, causing problems with the bigoted next door neighbor Mrs Payne who has disdain for their blended multi-cultural family. To remedy the situation, Ken teaches them his night club dance routine, cause that makes everybody feel better. But, the boys still feel remorse for the problems they have caused and try to run away. Ken and Kathy find the boys at the Brady's (the boys thought with so many kids they wouldn't notice three more).  They convince Matt, Dwayne and Steve that they love them no matter what. The Kelly's return home with three boys of their own to somehow form a family.

Leeky Vase Soup

There are a number of soup recipes to go, so I thought I'd start with this one now that the weather warrants it. So leeks, sauteed in butter and then simmered with peeled  and sliceed yukon gold potatoes (although Alice just said "potatoes" and didn't specify what kind) in water for 30 minutes. Then, add milk. Yep, that's what I thought too. Yucky, icky, blech, and I can't even write what Julia said. To be truthful, if I didn't love this episode so much, I would really be in a sour mood.

Episode Note: " Confessions, Confessions" A Brady classic. Peter, Bobby and Greg are shooting hoops in the house when Peter's throw goes awry and breaks Carol's favorite vase. Peter sees his upcoming camp out the guys go up in smoke with his foul as he is sure to be grounded, and Bobby reminds us all of the infamous line "Mom always said, don't play ball in the house." But, Greg convinces him to wait until after the camping trip to fess up. He masterminds a plan to glue the vase back together and all the kids agree to keep it a secret to buy Peter some time. Mike, howevr, accelerates the inevitable by bringing home a bouquet of flowers for Carol. At dinner, the vase springs so many leaks it looks like a fountain. Greg, Marcia, Jan, Bobby, Cindy and Alice each individually confess to the crime, leading Mike and Carol to suspect the one person who didn't: Peter. They begin putting the screws to him to force a confession, first by punishing everyone but him, and then by rewarding him with a gift. But Peter holds firm. His conscience does begin to weigh on him during a dream sequence where relives the vase breaking and Bobby saying "Mom always said don't play ball in the house" over and over in the "Oh, My Nose" fashion.  Finally, the day of the camping trip, Peter caves at the sight of his brothers and sisters carrying out their punishments and comes clean to Mike and Carol. The truth hvings set him free, Peter learns that you don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Stage Fright Swedish Meatballs

Swedish meatballs, we love 'em, but I never make my own. To be honest, I just get them from IKEA. So this is uncharted territory and we all know my luck with Millicent's Meatball sandwich. Anyway, ground beef and pork mixed with bread crumbs, an egg, worcestershire, salt and pepper. Rolled into 1-inch balls and browned in a skillet with butter, of course. Then I made a very tasty gravy from the pan juices, some seasoned flour and broth, oh and a little sour cream, but don't tell Mark. Served over noodles, the gravy was the best part.

Episode Note: "You Can't Win Them All" (Part 2) Cindy and Bobby are both chosen to audition for "Question the Kids" TV quiz show, hosted by quiz master Monty Marshall. Contestants have to take a test to get in, prompting Cindy to study hard.  Bobby, however, is over confident and sure it will be a cinch without studying. Well, we all know where this is going. Cindy studies and gets picked, Bobby doesn't and doesn't. Cindy's ego soars, deciding she's the smartest one of all and refers to herself as a "television star" driving the family nuts offering them autographs and such. Meanwhile, as you may remember from an earlier post, the Brady's are planning a smorgasbord dinner party, hence the Swedish meatball tie in. Carol tries to bring Cindy back down to earth by reminding her that as a 'bad winner she could still be a loser.' Cindy dismisses such nonsense, convinced everyone is just jealous of her superior intelligence. (What is it with these Brady kids, they are either egomaniacs or severly depressed?  Apparently there is no comedy in the happy medium.) The day of the TV show arrives and as soon as the red light goes on, Cindy is a deer in the headlights, unable to answer a single question. Back at home, she is mortified by her lack of performance, but the sibs try to cheer her up and Bobby says all the right things to make her feel better telling her she's the winner for getting picked and he's the loser for not studying. Perhaps it is better to have won and lost than not to have won at all.

Greg Wants a Car-rot Cake

I've only made carrot cake once before, in 1988, and it was a complete disaster. So, today being another meeting of my book club I decided to go for broke and try it again. What could go wrong? Well, lots. First, it is surprising how little carrot actually went into the cake, and the enormous amount of sugar - three cups. I could only bring myself to use two. Alice said to bake for 30 minutes, but both rounds were still uncooked in the middle. Ten minutes later, one was done but I took both out because they were getting too brown on the edges. The cream cheese frosting was a breeze in comparison, except for the mess I made with the confectioner's sugar.The overall consensus was that it was good, but not great. It seems as if that's always the story of cooking with my friend named Alice.

Episode Note: "Call Me Irresponsible" Greg is desperate to save enough money to buy his own car, even though he not yet old enough to drive. He convinces Mike to give him a job as a gopher at the architectual firm to earn some dough. The problem is that Greg's mind is more on the ends and not on the means. He is focused on  impressing a girl named Randi Peterson with the notion of his "career" in architecture, cause she she thinks architects are 'outta sight.' Mike gives him the task of taking some important designs to be duplicated, but Greg gets side tracked at the newsstand buying a car magazine and loses the sketches. Now, if a lost sketches plot sounds familiar, this one was original, Cincinnati was a rehash. When Greg delivers the bad news, Mr. Phillips wants him fired, but Mike is persuaded by Alice and Carol to give him another chance. When delivering the plans the second time, Greg's bike chain breaks. It's a lucky break though, because just then he runs into Randi and her father who offer to give him a ride to the copy shop. Unfortunately for Greg, he still can't get it right and leaves the plans in the car, forcing him to run all over town looking for Mr Peterson to get them back and delivered on time. Mike has his doubts when Greg isn't home on time, but relieves himself when he finally does arrive, glad he never lost faith in his son.

No Smoking Spaghetti Sauce

Italian sausage, stewed tomatoes, tomato sauce, tomato paste, mushrooms, diced green pepper, garlic and oregano all simmered for an hour. Served over spaghetti, with a nice green salad and fresh bread. Not nearly as good as my sauce, but effortless by comparison. In the old days, before Alice, my go-to Monday meal was always spaghetti with meatballs (also known as Meatball Monday) so this fit in well. Sorry the portion in the picture looks so skimpy, I was half done eating before I realized I forgot to take a photo!

Episode Note: "Where There's Smoke" World's collide when Carol joins an anti-teen smoking organization and Greg is enticed to try cigarettes on the same day. Greg is taking a drag with his buddy Tommy Johnson when  Jan and Cindy catch him in the act. They rat him out to the 'rents and after a very long anti-smoking lecture he promises that he didn't like it and will never do it again. Very shortly theresfter, when Carol is hosting a meeting of the no smokers, including Tommy's mother who is spearheading the group, Greg and Tommy come home from school. When Greg takes off his varsity jacket a pack of cigarettes fall out of the pocket. Greg swears they aren't his (he was just holding them for a friend), but Tommy's mother gets all self-righteous and throws Carol off the committee. Later, Alice discoveres that the jacket wasn't Greg's, as she had recently sewed up a rip in his. It is revealed that the jacket and the smokes belong to Tommy, who is then forced to come clean with his mother in front of the Brady's Let's just say it was probably not Mrs. Johnson's finest hour. Greg's friendship with Tommy was clearly sending the wrong (smoke) signal.

Myron's Cheese Sticks

Things are dry for now, so we thought we'd go for something simple. Flour, buttah, cheddar and parmesan cheeses formed into a dough and rolled out into sticks. Baked at 350 for ten minutes and voila, a cheesy Sunday afternoon snack. Of course, none of the instructions made sense, and ironically, I had to add water to the dough to get it to the right consistency. So even when it seems simple...

Episode Note: "The Impractical Joker" Another cry for help from ugly-ducking, middle child Jan. She gets a box o' practical jokes - fake ink stains, plastic spiders, etc. and lets loose on the family. The only problem is that she's the only one who finds them funny.  Marcia tells her in the snottiest way possible that the joking just shows how immature she is. If I were Marcia, I would be afraid to go to sleep at night. Anyway, the situation gets serious when Jan steals Greg's science project mouse Myron and hides him in the girls hamper.  Unbeknown to Jan, Myron chews his way out and wanders into the kitchen where he is spotted by Alice, who has just returned from a rare day off. She is so freaked out she climbs on a chair and calls the Zap-It Exterminator Company -unaware it is Greg's mouse. When Greg fills Alice in, she feels like a 'murderess' and the boys haven't been so low since the trading stamp company went out of business. Jan too feels remorse and fesses up, swearing never to play another practical joke. Tiger becomes the hero (that dog is finally good for something) when he alerts the family that something is amiss in his dog house, and it's not Kitty Karry-All, but little Myron. It's a sunshine day for everyone except Jan. She was quiet as mouse, plotting a course through her maze of low self esteem.

Cindy's Thicken Oregano

Almost too simple, which makes me wonder what's the catch. Boneless chicken breasts, topped with oregano and butter and baked .Served over a bed of pasta, mushrooms, paremesan cheese and butter.The only thing missing is more butter. The butter Betty Botter bought was a bit bitter, then Betty bought a bit of better butter (now I feel like a nutter about butter).

Episode Note: "A Fist Full of Reasons" Cindy and Peter bof have a problem at thcool: Buddy Hinton. Buddy is always theasing Cindy about her lisp just because she has lazy ethes. Peter intervenes on her behath but just geths a black eye for hith trouble and is labeled a thicken by the bully for not fighting back. At home, Mike consolths Cindy and helps her practith her speeth by reciting thongue thisters. Apparently, a profesthional speeth therapisth was out of the questhion. He also advises Peter to weason with Buddy, instead of fighting, which failsth mistherably. Mike and Carol also try thalking to the Hintons, but that failsth too. So, Mike green lighths Peter to defend himthelf. He begins a training prgram of thsparring and jumping rope to get into thape for the big fight. When Buddy starths with hith "Baby Talk, Baby Talk" taunth, Peter geth him with a right hook in the mouf, knocking looth Buddy's front toof. All the kidth laugh, but Peter tells them not to, becauth teathing is never the anther. Later, Buddy comes over to the Brady's houth to apologize and aths to borrow Cindy's thounge thister book. He wants to thay: She Sells Sea Shells by the Sea Shore over and over again until he geth it right.

Busy Signal Meatloaf

It has been rather chilly here the last few days so comfort food is in order. And what could be better than some meatloaf from Alice? A pretty conventional recipe of ground beef and pork, egg, bread crumbs, etc. I usually make my meatloaf with ground turkey, which is probably a little healthier. We should be getting Mark's cholesterol test results today, so this may be our last hurrah doing it the Alice way. I also like the way she just says to bake it at 350 for an hour and a half and gives no indication of what the internal temperature should be for safe consumption, like modern recipes from real cooks.

Episode Note: "Sorry, Right Number" A first season dilemma, when the Brady's realize that eight people, living all together, cannot share one phone line. Frustrated because he can never use the phone, Mike puts his foot down and has a second line installed in his den - for his use only. But with the kids tying up the family line, Carol must use Mike's line for inane conversations with her unseen friend Martha. The crisis comes to a head when the monthly telephone bill tops $30. Mike has had enough and takes Alice's off the cuff remark about installing a pay phone (like the one in Sam's Butcher Shop) seriously. Effective immediately, anyone in the Brady Household wanting to make a call must have coins. This causes the kids to scroungre for change whenever they need to make a call, instilling a sense of financial responsibility according to the lecture from Mike. But, what goes around comes around. Mike gets a dose of his own medicine when he is trying to conduct an overseas business call and the operator keeps breaking in asking him to deposit more money. The client, Mr. Crawford, wonders what kind of reputable architect has to use a pay phone. After a series of missteps, Mike finally completes his call and explains to Mr. Crawford about the phone, the family, the bills, etc. Crawford thinks Mike's solution is off the hook and seals the deal. Got dimes?

Martinelli's Chicken and Broccoli Rigatoni

Chicken, pounded, cut into pieces, dredged in flour and cooked in garlic and tons of butter, tossed with broccoli, parmesan cheese, cream sherry and the rigatoni. Alice suggests that the sherry will ignite in the pan, but it didn't. This is the third or fourth recipe she has had me light on fire, which leads us to believe that either Alice is a pyro or was also cheating on Sam with a fireman.

Episode Note: "How To Succeed in Business?" Peter too, we see is suffering from middle child syndrome. He gets his first afterschool job at Martinelli's Bicycle shop  and is very enthuastic and deeply wants to perform well, but Mr. Martinelli soon learns that he's made a mistake. Peter is painstakingly slow in all of his tasks and repairs, causing problems with the customers. When Mr. Martenelli tells Peter he'd be a better bike salesman than a repairman (trying to spare his feelings), Peter thinks that means he's being promoted. When asked at home how the job is going, Peter is delusional and says all is well. Alice even bakes him a celebratory cake with sparklers (hmmmm). Eventually, Mr. Martinelli reaches his limit and fires Peter, a fact Peter witholds from the family because he just can't bring himself to admit his failure. He spends his days feeding pigeons in the park, forlorn and hopeless. As in all instances, the truth prevails when Mike and Carol visit Martinelli's to purchase bikes for themselves. They learn first hand of Peter's deception and embarrassment. When they confront Peter, Mike consoles him saying that as long as he tried his best it is okay to be a loser. Then, the whole family, even Alice, go for a bike ride. In California, that's not a gang, it's a club.